Insecurity in Relationships

 

 

Dear Balarishi,
People very badly need relationships but soon get frustrated with the same relationships.Why is this so?

 

This is a subject which most of the people would relate themselves.Men and women are insecure in relationships and there are two reasons for this.One is the sense of belonging which boosts the ego and

the sense of possessiveness boosts insecurity.Parents or elders develop a kind of belonging towards their

children.This makes them egoistic and they grow high expectations on their children.If the children don`t obey them,their ego is hurt.If they refuse to take up higher studies which the parents decide,their ego is hurt.

Any relationship is good enough once it has love as its base.But it is unfortunate that many people enter into relationship based on some understanding.Some calculations overtake love.In a given relationship people either find too large a space between the two and feel insecure.Or else they fall over each other and suffocate.

So now one has to realize the ways to find real love and peace in relationships.Once a person works on the insecure feel and the ego levels,once they really come down,then there is space for love and peace.If this is absent,then this relationship is nothing but a sensory diversion.When you indulge in eating,you forget other things.It is a temporary diversion.When you listen to music it is also a diversion because these things never offer a solution.when you take up a travel,it is also a diversion.You feel as though you have changed but it is for sometime only.

These are all certainly needed and they contribute in a way to your cleansing.But all these diversions are chosen by people without any awareness.If all these diversions are taken up with a sense of awareness, it would help people in subtler aspects.But if they are just escapism based, then it gives a false image that you have come out from all the problems.

So,if you are in need of peace and love you should work with these diversions and transform them as constructive solutions.Ego is always protective.It never allows you to see your mistakes.It says what you do is right.It says others are mad and you are perfect.it makes you feel that you can never go wrong and others are always wrong.If you are comfortable with ego you are bound to stay in this illusion.Even a common person is affected if this ego grows because ego is vulnerable to external situations.it gives either a superior or  inferior feeling and easily gets hurt.People with ego will find it very hard to adapt themselves in any situation.

The first and firm step to overcome ego is accepting yourself with all your weakness and strength.If ego is ruling,then your humane nature takes the back seat and acceptance is almost away.When you fall in love with someone and if ego is hurt you disconnect yourself from that relationship.Here it is just the game of ego and the

very self of you has no role to play.

Just by allowing this layer of mind to project itself,many miss the essence of life.